Do you or does someone you know engage in self-harm? Does life feel so unmanageable that inflicting pain through cutting or other acts of self-harm feel like your only way of self-regulating?
For too many, self-harm is the only or best way you know how to cope with situations that are overwhelming and painful. You may struggle to put your feelings into words and cutting provides an emotional release. After the first cut, the pain may dissipate or may even disappear. However, the relief is only temporary and as the painful feelings resurface, so does the urge to cut. Cutting and other forms of self-harm becomes a cycle that feels impossible to break.
If you want relief but just don’t know what to do and where to go, know that help is available and recovery from self-harm is possible. Here are some helpful steps to breaking the cycle of self-harm.
1. Confide in Someone: Confiding in someone may feel scary. Revealing your “secret” that you have worked so hard to hide, can feel overwhelming and paradoxical. But amidst the guilt and shame wrapped up in reveling your “secret” there may be relief in knowing you no longer have to hide and be alone with your pain. When confiding in someone, consider the following:
- Try to focus on your feelings. Try to identify what feelings and situations may have led you to engage in self-harm. Sharing the feelings that preceded the self-harm may help your confidant understand you and your coping challenges.
- Tell your confidant what you need. Maybe you are not quite sure what you need from them, but think about this. Think about how this person can help you. Maybe all you want is a friend to just listen to you, uninterrupted. Maybe you want advice to better cope with your feelings. Understanding your needs and expressing these needs would help both you and your confidant to a trusting and supportive relationship.
- Communicate in the way you are most comfortable.Maybe the idea of talking to someone about your “secret” is just way too overwhelming. Maybe you just can’t fathom the in-person talk, but this doesn’t mean you have to keep your “secret”. Consider talking with a friend or relative on the phone, or maybe even sending an email. You may not be ready to have the face-to-face talk and that is okay, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t communicate by other means.
2. Explore Why You Self-Harm and Identify your Triggers: Becoming aware of your feelings regarding self harm might at first feel daunting but is an important step in your recovery.
- Try to become more aware of what makes you want to self-harm. Does loneliness or anger lead to self-harm? Does shame and sadness lead you to cut? Do certain situations ‘trigger’ you?
3. Develop New Ways to Cope: Once you become more aware of the feelings that trigger your self-harm, working on developing new coping strategies becomes easier.
- Find new coping methods. Self-harm has been your way to deal with painful feelings and difficult situations, but there are other coping techniques you can learn. It just take time, practice and patience.
- Identify your feelings. The underlying experience that leads you to self-harm can provide insight into identifying coping alternatives. Maybe you self-harm to express your pain and overwhelming emotions. Maybe you inflict pain to calm and self-sooth.
- Self understanding is key. Determining a healthy coping strategy that works may take time so it is important to be patient with yourself.
4. Find the Right Therapist– Understanding the feelings that lead to self-injury are difficult to tackle alone.
- Working collaboratively with a therapist can help you to gain emotional awareness and better understand why you do what you do. It may feel difficult to open up with someone, but as trust develops and understanding is gained, opening up will become easier.
Do not give up on yourself. Help is available. Reach out. The therapists at Wright Institute Los Angeles are caring and well-trained interns and post-doctoral fellows that can be a source of help to you or a loved one if you decide to reach out.
