In Finland, Valentine’s Day is called Ystävänpäivä, which translates to “Friend’s Day.” As the name suggests, the emphasis is on appreciating your buddies rather than specifically your partner, lover, or spouse, as we do here in the U.S. (which is obviously essential as well!). Although very often the latter is also the former, the Finish version seems to be more inclusive and is a great excuse to celebrate the closest people to us, whether they are our significant other or not.
In tribute of the Finish version, then, please consider this year honoring the best friend who is also your lover; the confidant who is also your sister; the ally who is also your co-worker. These people listen to you whine about how little sleep you got when they themselves can barely stay awake. These people are only a keystroke away when there’s an emergency quote or meme that you desperately need to share. These people will tell you the truth about the holiday weight that you’ve gained or the temper that you lost in that board meeting.
It has been said that friends are the family that we choose. And they truly are.
Many of us, in this era of globalization, have friends across states, across oceans and continents. We may not see these folks on a three-dimensional level for several years at a time, and yet, when we meet in person again, it’s like no time had passed. The words flow out and we find ourselves as vulnerable and free as ever with each other’s emotions, stories, and memories. Then we sit together sipping on Australian Shiraz, because Australian Shiraz had always been our thing, in heavenly silence, the kind that we have the luxury to only experience with our closest tribe-members. We tell each other the truth about how ashamed we feel when our child hits another kindergartener and how badly we fear it reflects on our parenting capacities; we confess to each other how jealous we are of super-young people that are ridiculously successful; and we excitedly recite to one another how our mother did her passive-aggressive thing again and we just want to punch her!
Keep in mind that YOU are that person to someone, or several someones. You hold their stuff when they become overwhelmed with work or love or life. You respond to their quote or meme with the same urgency with which it was sent. You expand your comfort zone for them when they need you, sometimes more so that when you need you (which is a whole other conversation!); you’re the one who, when they can’t see the bright side, sits with them in the dark.
You don’t only give these people the key, but let’s be honest; you actually leave the door of your heart and mind unlocked for them. Since you yourself are a friend, or a lover, or a partner, or a brother-in-arms, or all of the above, please celebrate your love for your friends this holiday as well as theirs.
This Ystävänpäivä, feel free to send cards and give (long!) hugs and express (and receive!) gratitude to those with whom you have that unlocked door policy.
Happy Ystävänpäivä!
