It can be hard enough to summon the wherewithal and focus to get oneself into therapy, let alone having to coordinate with a partner. While many couples can be vaguely interested in couples therapy, it can seem like only catastrophe-level circumstances create the momentum to enter treatment. Couples therapy in times of catastrophe can function as a type of rescue operation for something that has already been through significant damage. Instead, I’d like to make a pitch for entering treatment in times of relative peace.
The conversation around therapy has changed dramatically in the past few decades.
And more than ever, people are open to the idea of therapy as a component of overall wellness, not indicating one is “crazy,” but instead that they are emotionally aware. Couples therapy has seemingly not been included in this shift. There can be awkward glances or morbid curiosity at the mention of being in couples treatment. Still, people respond to mentions of couples therapy as if the partnership is facing insurmountable crises.
What stops people from seeking treatment in the absence of catastrophe? I’ve had patients voice concern that their issues are not bad “enough” — do they really deserve a therapist’s time, is it worth the money, has the relationship even been long enough? Similar to individual therapy, there are a multitude of benefits therapy provides when a patient is not in crisis. Couples therapy can help develop a strong foundation both to prevent crises from arising and helping to shoulder them when they do. Some benefits include developing insight into each other’s communication patterns, processing everyday stressors, and better understanding each partner’s relational background and family dynamics.
There is also fear involved in deciding to start couples therapy, as if entering treatment may indicate to one’s partner or others that something is wrong in the relationship.
I worked with a couple who feared that I would judge their compatibility or declare the relationship unsalvageable, creating anxiety in the patients about losing the relationship. While it can be vulnerable to allow a therapist into an intimate relationship, the only factor in determining whether a relationship continues is whether both partners decide to continue. Starting therapy does not take away someone’s agency in making the choice best for them; rather, it can help you learn about yourself and your partner in a way that helps you make the best choice. Just like individual therapy, couples therapy is just one tool in a series that can assist in authentic living.
If you’ve thought about couples therapy in the past or are pondering it now, consider what has stopped you from taking the next step? Is it logistical – money, time, availability? Or is it emotional – fear, hopelessness, frustration? Either way, WILA can help you decide whether entering couples treatment is the best choice for you at this time. Call us and schedule an intake via the number on our website or via the client portal today.
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